If you are also in-between, let me encourage you,
relax ka lang... God's plans for you are still good, pleasing and perfect.
I guess it is only apt to also share how this year has changed for me in a lot of ways.
VGH faaaaam (nung wala pang social distancing! :))
First, being a mom. Being a mom changes you, in more ways than one!
It taught me humility, to ask for help when I need it (and believe me, you will need it if you're a mom haha!) and it taught me that a big hug from a tiny being is enough to chase the blues away. It made me realize that naps are really powerful and that grace really doubles or even triples for moms. Just remembering our first two months with Sophia amazes me na kinaya namin yun?! Yung gigising ka every 2-3 hours to feed, burp and put your baby to sleep. Big Bang reruns and JB's reality show on Youtube became my companions in those wee hours of the morning.
It was just Dennis and I during those first three months and we praise God for not just sustaining us but making us enjoy it with our precious little one.
Second, being married while being a mom. Mag-iiba din to! From honeymoon stage to how-to-keep-the-fire-burning-when-all-you-want-to-do-is-sleep stage? But maybe that's for another entry. We were asked recently, what changed in your marriage when you got pregnant? Dennis and I just looked at each other and answered: EVERYTHING. All the married peepz in the house, can you relate? Lol!
Eto yung last date night namin, a couple of hours before ako mag-labor. :P
Third, Covid-19. Not much to say here than what you don't already know. With the rising cases of Covid-19 positive, it makes us wonder, when will we get to travel again? When will I get to hug my loved ones once more? When will we get together in church to worship? When will kids church be back? Waaaaahh! While asking those questions can lead us to more longing, and I hope I also have answers to those questions to keep my mind at ease...but while those questions were circling in my head, God led me to these two words:
Trust involves not knowing every detail but just trusting the person holding all the details in His hands.
Trust involves faith, knowing for sure that something good is already happening amidst the bad and that something far better is being worked in us as we get through the rough patches.
Trust means just surrendering all our plans and telling God, "let your will be done" with a posture of expectant and excitement (not of resentment or "give up na ko!" attitude) knowing that His plans are way better than our dreams.
Just a few weeks ago, I personally decided to step out of the full time ministry. It was a difficult but necessary decision. Being in full time was actually my longest work tenure --5 years and just before a few weeks ago, I had no plans of resigning yet.
But while we were seeking God in prayer, while I was crying in bed having an idea already what God is telling me to do (kadalasan naman alam na natin eh, in denial lang tayo hehe!), God whispered this to me:
It is I who called you into full time ministry. It is also I who will say, "time's up, my child and a new ministry is waiting for you."
That resulted in puffy eyes and nose but also resulted in peace, knowing full well that it is His voice that I needed to hear. He also gave me this verse reassuring me that no matter what happens, that new place that He will bring me to, He is already there and He will always be with me wherever He calls me:
1 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
So what will happen next month or next year? Siya lang talaga nakakaalam. Haha! But like a child, it made me go back to just me and God. It made me wonder, ano kaya ang hitsura ng relationship ko kay God without being in full time ministry? Yung kami lang talaga gaya nang dati. (Gary V, pasok!)
Seriously though, I hope that whatever you are going through, you will be assured of His presence. We may not know the answers to all the questions, but if we just focus our eyes on Him and see that He is holding our hands all throughout -- I hope that is enough answer for you.
In every rise and fall of the waves, God is right there beside you in the boat.
God is a God of new beginnings and I hope that when He tells us to start again, albeit crying with fresh tears, we will be a child in faith--grabbing His hand and asking Him: "Let's go! Where to, God?"
Love you, fam! The ministry is in us :)
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